My Heart Hurts

In the 30 years of my life, I have never had to deal with this from this side. I have been on the other. 

I joined a forum about a week ago, just so I could make a few internet friends with the same likes and interests. 

Well there was this one person I clicked with automatically. She was bubbly, silly and totally a goof. She is also suffering from depression. 

Fashionably Late

I read a quote a while back, and it really didn’t hit me until this past week. I ended up feeling like utter crap for me not having done much in my past 30 years.

Don’t regret the years your mental illness took from you.

Depression = Creativity

So, having bipolar disorder I have noticed when I’m in my down moods I become more creative. Mostly after I got on my meds, because before I would lay in my room and think bad things.

Toxicity

Last week I had my one month therapy session. Man I was so proud that I was doing so fucking well that my therapist said I can now do only one session a month instead of two.

Then my sister got a job.

An Unshakable Feeling

I’ve been feeling quite…empty these past few weeks. I cannot tell you why, and I cannot tell you how. It just feels like there’s something that should be there, just isn’t.

Playing Catch Up of 2014

I don’t even remember the last time I have posted, I think some time around
Thanksgiving. So there have been a few things that have been swimming around in my head for a while now.

First off I want to say that yes, I have been continuing to go to therapy and shit has happened.

Ah, there’s nothing like the holidays

Let me just start off saying I like the holidays, I truly do. However at the same time I don’t. I can only say that because I just don’t really feel the holiday spirit. My birthday falls between Halloween and Thanksgiving, and leading up to it, I get depressed. This year has been a change because I was able to treat myself to whatever I wanted because of a gift card.

Sharing this with my therapist, I kinda broke down. I couldn’t cork it even if I tried, and let me tell you, I’ve had practice. She told me to go treat myself and do whatever it is I wanted and spend it only on me. I can honestly say I really don’t know how to do that but I gave it a shot. I took myself to see Interstellar and Big Hero 6. On top of that my role playing family got me a few shirts that I absolutely adore. She (my therapist) told me You were raised not to think you mattered. You do, it stuck with me. Because it really is true, I had to always choose between me or my family and if I chose wrong I felt it.